no, wait.

i can't get that stupid lady gaga song out of my head.

which one? all of them. but mostly "telephone." i finally watched the video thinking a direct approach was best, but that choice proved to be foolish. it only made the earworm burrow deeper. and now my eyelids are etched with visions of pop starlet du jour and her naughty bits wrapped in crime scene tape and beyonce's black lipstick and by the way why were they eating a snack cake? or maybe it was a sandwich from a vending machine.

i have a lot of questions about that video.

you say: she's probably a virgin.

i say: could be, but maybe she just really likes sex. but then again, people who haven't had sex tend to glorify it. pray at its altar. dildos and k-y jelly and a photo of john holmes or whatever.

all i want is for her to put some clothes on. one day i'll write something important. i'll call it, "the hypersexualization of the american female." i will use lady gaga as my first case study. i will ask her: are you owning your sexuality by flashing your giblets and wearing shoes even the most stylish aliens wouldn't touch? or, is all this your half-baked idea of sexy? what happened to suggestion? a wink. a bare shoulder on an otherwise clothed body?

i am a.) a prude, or b.) an old lady

but my female role models, when i had them, never got so naked.

what happened to art? everything is plastic and quick cuts and the same lines repeated over and over and over again until you want to die because death is silence, unless there is a hell, in which case you should know that satan is on a real lady gaga kick.

my ipod is stuck on jimi hendrix. on shuffle, every other song is purplefireareyouexperiencedhaze.

i don't mind. but i have no idea how it happened. i jimi-ed myself out sometime during the 10th grade.

i read somewhere that jimi was always trying to assert his ethnicity. to remind himself and everyone else that he was a black man who happened to be a little piece in the white man's game. people more comfortable with their racial identity chided him for it. because who cares, really? motherfucker played the guitar with his teeth. i mean, i think that was him, at least. i'm acquainted with far too many guitar gods.

i always wondered why they'd show lenny kravitz videos on BET, but not the chili peppers. same difference, right?

...stop calling, stop calling, i don't want to talk anymore...

god. it's horrible.

there's no harm in it, right? i once babysat this goth girl who slipped into a will smith phase, she would wiggle her fingers in time to "gettin' jiggy with it" and make this face that was cute and frightening at the same time. the next year, she said to me, "can you believe i liked will smith?" like she'd gone insane. in the court of music she could plead temporary insanity--the defense would fly. that shit was catchy. at least the guy has morals.