machinations

things done and not:

-spend the hottest day of the year mostly indoors, while your apartment warms like a slow oven, baking you in your shell; in the evening, find reasons to go outside and press bare feet to dirty concrete to cool them off.

-across the way, the neighbors are watching csi: miami. horatio caine removes and replaces his sunglasses, tilting his head at that unsettling angle. if only life were so simple. slight depression at the realization that the show is recognizable even from several yards away, through window.

-precisely between 8-10 am, allow DSL technician to tromp around, installing a new modem. he tells you he has six jobs to do today and asks, rather politely, if he can sit down to fill in his paperwork. unasked, he staples the cable cord flush to the floor, to avoid tripping accidents. the cord has been that way for two years. sometimes, people can be so nice, it's heartbreaking.

-read the tipping point. wish to be a "connector." understand that to be a connector, it is necessary to leave the house, and, when out of the house, to interact with strangers.

-find fault with the way you laugh.

-wonder what happens to what must be thousand of american orphans, having been passed over by their counterparts in the motherland. have heated conversation with yourself; are you being ridiculous, so jaded and hateful that the noble act of adoption becomes a fault, or, as you convince yourself, completely right when you decide ethnic babies are like fashion accessories dangled from the wrists of wealthy mommies. wonder what happens to an individual raised by his opposites, with no exposure to his culture, his upbringing the result of luck, and fortune. literal fortune.

-if i spent less time on my own, would i quit talking to myself? i don't remember being any different. of anyone, i am most combative with myself.

-as per usual, too many exposed breasts on true blood this evening, not enough exposed ass.

-but enough exposed ass to help you remember what you like about it.

-taco night is a good night.

-friends have revelations. you have steep climbs. recently, a doctor told you to avoid high altitudes because it can aggravate sickle-cell anemia. it makes sense. climbing mt. everest was never an ambition, anyway. two weeks later, receive letter from doctor informing her clients of her decision to leave the hospital. there's nothing sad about it.

-since when is straight up licking someone's neck during a makeout session an erotic thing to do?

-or, for that matter,giving someone a dental exam with your tongue. figure it out, people. kissing is fundamental. the more you know. etc.

-keep friends in your heart. mourn their losses.

-it has been decided that headbands and soccer shirts and orange shoes are a good look, and should be sported by all.

-it comes to you two days later: the word is "verdant."

-experience slight anxiety since hairstylist will be on vacation for two weeks and your roots are coming in curly.

-are stomach transplants a reality yet?

-remember: the only way to be truly anonymous is to go somewhere your kind is not.